Begin again!

So this is how it all begins… (again)

You sit down and let it all hang out.

I sat down earlier, had a panic attack and shut the computer. Now, I’m at the desktop so I can’t shut it… 

This is my dream, to write, to communicate, to reach out, to share.

But, I’ve been worrying about all the ins and outs … what domain name will I have? (that’s not taken), will a ‘free’ Word press theme do the job? How will I know how to add plugins and buttons? 

The truth… I was really just putting off the most important thing. The writing.

Sitting here, not knowing who will read or even care about what I, Heather Jackson, have to say and trying to figure out why I am bothering at all is one of the most confronting things I have ever done.

Which leads me to suspect it is exactly what I should be doing.

I felt this terror recently when I decided to try the Fremont Street zip line experience while we were visiting Las Vegas. This was not my normal everyday type of activity… (being an over 40 mother of 3 that is a little overweight and not overly adventurous) … but I figured, ‘why not’?

Well, I was sure I’d figured wrong when I got to the top and looked down.

I was belted up real good and then they took me to edge of the platform where you walk down a few stairs and then basically the stairs just fall away as you hang very high, high enough that people are looking very ‘ant like’!

For me, looking down, was not a pleasant experience.

My family was down there, somewhere looking up at me, and I suddenly realised that I had made a terrible mistake. My legs turned to jelly and I could feel myself involuntarily backing away from the edge of the platform. For goodness sake, I’m old enough to make my own decisions and I was NOT going to get talked into doing something that I did NOT want to do!

I am sure that this is not such an uncommon experience, but what made it uncommon for me, was that at the point when the panic set in, the people behind me began to cheer and offer words of encouragement.

All of them were complete strangers. (Of course, they probably didn’t want me to hold up the line.) None the less, it was enough to make me turn around and think ‘might as well’.

Off I went. Zoom!

They’d taken my glasses so it was kind of a blur of bright Vegas lights and the feeling of breeziness and freedom. It was actually kind of fun. Of course, I was filled will self-satisfaction and adrenaline when it was all over.

Those kind strangers, cheering me on, got me over the line.

Maybe this blog will find a few kind strangers that will also cheer me on and get me over the line. However, I know this time, to begin with, I have to make the first move. I am pushing off into the unknown, feeling blind and exhilarated all at once.

I want to make a dent, I want to share what I know. I am committing to knocking down the walls and letting go of my emotional weight.

I see other women who also limit themselves and it hurts my soul. I want to reach out and help them recognise their beauty.

This blog and the name for it started out when I lifted a heavy sack of potatoes and realized that this was the amount of extra weight I was carrying on my body.

From that moment, I knew that losing weight or getting happier or feeling like the ‘ol me' or finding my passion was not about what I needed to add to my life, but instead, what I needed to let go of. (those damn potatoes!)

When we leave here, we cannot take one single thing with us. Not one thing. How does that make you feel?

But we can collect our moments, our precious scrapbook to savour for eternity. We can take our joys and sorrows, the lessons learned, the dear connections that have seasoned our lives. So, why let our weight, our gripes, our hardships stop that from happening?

We are not stuck, like we think. We are free. We need to unstick ourselves, knock down those walls of emotional overload and take what is ours.

Trust me, God is on our side!

So I invite you to come on a journey with me to explore this freedom, to see what exactly in means to live on the edge of reason.

I will cheer for you too. I can be a stranger that connects with you, urges you on, so that maybe one day you can give yourself that little push too.

See you soon,

Heather

PS If you feel like you'd like to read more, you can subscribe and get my posts in your email or if you are really keen to cheer me on, share this with your tribe! :) Thank you.